Which emotion is a best fit for you as your consider your return to school? Is it an emotion you feel good or OK about? Or not?
Here are some simple facts to support you.
1 We are the thinkers - the creators of our own thought. Though we ARE NOT our thinking. We are greater than this.
2 We can't see thought although we CAN feel it.
(Thought, then feeling, then action.)
3. Feeling any state or emotion is how we experience life. When we focus too much on a thought,the body's alarm system lets us know through our stress response. This is our body working perfectly.
Although we create our thoughts (and life) moment by moment, UNDERSTANDING how we do this really helps us to manage our emotions. There is a universal guidance co- creating wisdom within us; designing planets, flowers, trees from seeds; guiding birds to migrate, and is the greater part of how we operate. Life is beautiful when we see the nature of this system and the expansiveness of it all. The expansiveness is both beyond and also about me.
Let me share a story that I think will illustrate how we operate within this expansive opportunity.
Nothing ever stays the same, even while we sleep there are thousands of genes industriously replacing cells or completing repairs and maintenance on our body. We do not have to instruct them, they are part of our biology, our body. They are particularly industrious when we cut ourselves or bump into something hard. They begin an intricate repair and we don't even have to know it.
The system is designed to operate successfully (unless we get in the way).
When we do focus on our thinking such as over excitement or over worrying, building up fears, we experience strong feelings. These are sensed and match our built up thought.
In turn we focus on the supposed cause and create more thought of the same ilk, like Dylan (name changed) innocently focused of his fear in this true story.
It was a freezing cold day in a northern city and Dylan and his sister arrived late to school for the fourth time that week, without coats and with very badly repaired, unwashed uniform. They were wide eyed and alert, searching around them for an escape if needed, particularly Dylan who was a protective elder sibling.
These two kids were once regarded as wild and unmanageable. . . and even unteachable. There was some psychological innocence in that unworthy diagnosis. Behaviour had previously been measured according to strict unyielding rules, and depended on how the adult felt.
It was the same in the house where the young adults lived. Only the rules were changeable and could not be guessed or known. They were harsh violent rules, set by the third stepdad in a space of eight months. The rules were set according to alcohol, mood and available cash for drugs.
The kids experienced hunger, and constant fear, oh such fear that you and I as adults would even find difficult. And, there was violence. If you lived here day in day out – your thinking would be totally fearful and your experiences (feelings) will match. You might only ever know reactions such as lies or blame, momentarily deflecting the pain and making you feel better for half a minute. You might need to increase the lies and manipulation, or steal, take alcohol or drugs to try to get that relief back. Or you might want to run away, be confrontational and angry because you were scared and could not see a way out. And this space would feel lost and hopeless. But it isn't.
Dylan used to run and hide. It seemed his only choice
On the days when his thinking was extremely bad, he stole alcohol and created fights.
The risks those two students managed 24 hours a day helped them to turn up at school, a place of sacred sanctuary. Somewhere deep inside, they knew this was a safer place. And until they were seen and heard, they had been labelled as unmanageable. The clue is in seeing beyond the behaviour, either theirs or our own. Seeing through the illusion and meeting Ryan or our self or anyone in relationship to us before the concept of worry, allows us to be feel lighter, more spacious. And simultaneously from this space, we feel free to hear inner wisdom.
How does this link to every day worry, stress, anxiety?
And how do we rediscover peace and ease? Firstly, we are NOT our thinking and we ALL have fluctuating thinking. Michael Neill calls this a glass elevator. When we are in the basement (low mood) we can't see anything and whilst we ascend or lift the mood, we begin to see more clearly.
We are often hypnotised by some of our thinking –going over and over it until it becomes our total experience, at least while we focus on it! Dylan was hypnotised by constant fear thinking and his body responded, as it is meant to, with high levels of stress response.
Through coaching Dylan learned two major things that really helped him
1. He could ask for help, it was his right, and someone (trusted friend, trusted adult, trusted professional) who cared enough would help him immediately.
2. He learned how thoughts can be our inner power to have peace and ease. When we feel neutral, normal, OK, sic – whatever your label is, we can trust our thinking because we have clarity. This is a great space to solve things, and to settle into ease no matter how we felt a moment ago.
Pease and ease are only ever one thought away.
From this inner space, we are in touch with an inner guidance or our own wisdom.
Dylan learned about not being OK, our fear response, the body’s fright, flight freeze. It is a normal alarm system helping us to keep out of danger – and that it was only meant to last 3 minutes. WE all feel fearful or anxious and this lasts until our mind quietens down again. Like a weather system passing over. When our mind is quiet, we have an inner wisdom showing us our next step.
Whatever life context, or life story we have going on, know that it is only a few thoughts long and can change, or it lasts as long as we want to make it.
Don’t dwell on the fear or anxiety, understand why we have it and we all experience it fleetingly or longer.
Knowing that anxious thinking settles without doing anything, allows us to feel less worry and see it for what it is – made by our own thinking.
Like our breathing , our circulatory system, our body repair, and our stress response, WE ARE CO -CREATORS of our life. Co- creating through the power of thought, with a human operating system designed for living and that works perfectly well especially if we understand it.
Understanding the source of our experience, we see its illusory nature and there is a settling quiet space of relaxed, chilled comfort.
YOU are NOT your THOUGHTS. You do create them moment by moment.
For further explanation see my book Simply Being YOU on Amazon.